Chapter 8 Fear of success
Chapter 8 Fear of success
第八章 害怕成功
第八章 害怕成功
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8. Fear of success
8. Fear of success
I recently had the opportunity to visit some old friends on the continent: I had a lovely time. It has been quite a number of years, however, since I have been in Europe and I had forgotten the tremendous contrasts between the various strata of society. This is especially noticeable because of a pervasive sense of affluence. On the one hand, you can walk along the Champs Elysees in Paris and have a light meal in her many bistros and restaurants, all the while observing the bejeweled throng passing by: on the other “main,” this is contrasted by the many misshapen lumps that sleep on the metro ventilation grates or in the transportation system’s numerous subterranean tunnels. This led me to thinking, “Why would a person totally surrender the fight for life?”
I recently had the opportunity to visit some old friends on the continent: I had a lovely time. It has been quite a number of years, however, since I have been in Europe and I had forgotten the tremendous contrasts between the various strata of society. This is especially noticeable because of a pervasive sense of affluence. On the one hand, you can walk along the Champs Elysees in Paris and have a light meal in her many bistros and restaurants, all the while observing the bejeweled throng passing by: on the other “main,” this is contrasted by the many misshapen lumps that sleep on the metro ventilation grates or in the transportation system’s numerous subterranean tunnels. This led me to thinking, “Why would a person totally surrender the fight for life?”
I am sure that everyone in the human condition has been subjected to failure and defeat but, intrinsically, we get up and start again: much like the young child who loses his balance. How can you ever come to a point that you are struck, thrown down and do not attempt to stand once more? How do you ever allow yourself to become a broken spirit? It must begin with the concept of the Sisyphean task: “Sisyphus,1 in Greek mythology, was the cunning king of Corinth who was punished in Hades by having repeatedly to roll a huge stone up a hill only to have it roll down again as soon as he had brought it to the summit. This fate is related in Homer’s2 Odyssey, Book XI. Zeus3 consigned Sisyphus to an eternity of useless efforts and unending frustration. He repeated this task on a daily basis.”
I am sure that everyone in the human condition has been subjected to failure and defeat but, intrinsically, we get up and start again: much like the young child who loses his balance. How can you ever come to a point that you are struck, thrown down and do not attempt to stand once more? How do you ever allow yourself to become a broken spirit? It must begin with the concept of the Sisyphean task: “Sisyphus,1 in Greek mythology, was the cunning king of Corinth who was punished in Hades by having repeatedly to roll a huge stone up a hill only to have it roll down again as soon as he had brought it to the summit. This fate is related in Homer’s2 Odyssey, Book XI. Zeus3 consigned Sisyphus to an eternity of useless efforts and unending frustration. He repeated this task on a daily basis.”
If you could not see any level of hope, you are consigned to failure. Dr. Viktor Frankl (1905-1997), a World War Two death camp survivor, wrote extensively on the concept of faith in a better future. “He concluded that the meaning of life is found in every moment of living; life never ceases to have meaning, even in suffering and death. Frankl offered the thought that for everyone in a dire condition there is someone peering down, a friend, family member, or even God, who would expect not to be disappointed. The good doctor concluded, from experience, that a prisoner's psychological reactions are not solely the result of the conditions of his life, but also from the freedom of choice he always has, even in severe suffering. The ‘inner hold’ a prisoner has on his spiritual self relies on having a hope in the future and, once a prisoner loses that hope, he is doomed.
If you could not see any level of hope, you are consigned to failure. Dr. Viktor Frankl (1905-1997), a World War Two death camp survivor, wrote extensively on the concept of faith in a better future. “He concluded that the meaning of life is found in every moment of living; life never ceases to have meaning, even in suffering and death. Frankl offered the thought that for everyone in a dire condition there is someone peering down, a friend, family member, or even God, who would expect not to be disappointed. The good doctor concluded, from experience, that a prisoner's psychological reactions are not solely the result of the conditions of his life, but also from the freedom of choice he always has, even in severe suffering. The ‘inner hold’ a prisoner has on his spiritual self relies on having a hope in the future and, once a prisoner loses that hope, he is doomed.
‘... We stumbled on in the darkness, over big stones and through large puddles, along the one road leading from the camp. The accompanying guards kept shouting at us and driving us with the butts of their rifles. Anyone with very sore feet supported himself on his neighbor's arm. Hardly a word was spoken; the icy wind did not encourage talk. Hiding his mouth behind his upturned collar, the man marching next to me whispered suddenly: If our wives could see us now! I do hope they are better off in their camps and don't know what is happening to us.’
‘... We stumbled on in the darkness, over big stones and through large puddles, along the one road leading from the camp. The accompanying guards kept shouting at us and driving us with the butts of their rifles. Anyone with very sore feet supported himself on his neighbor's arm. Hardly a word was spoken; the icy wind did not encourage talk. Hiding his mouth behind his upturned collar, the man marching next to me whispered suddenly: If our wives could see us now! I do hope they are better off in their camps and don't know what is happening to us.’
‘… A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth: love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: the salvation of man is through love and in love.’”4 An Eskimo proverb from northern Canada is very thoughtful: Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.
‘… A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth: love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: the salvation of man is through love and in love.’”4 An Eskimo proverb from northern Canada is very thoughtful: Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.
The reason that those poor souls thrust their emaciated and sickly bodies upon filthy benches at night, and most of them succumbed, is because they lacked the ultimate love: the love of self. There, tragically, is no school or course that one can enroll in because this perception is self-taught. There is truth in the fact that this phenomenon is nurtured by external stimuli, but it is the self that alone can truly embrace it. These individuals, in my estimation, fear success. A wise friend of mine once said: “It is easy to be unhappy but difficult to achieve happiness.” Success in any form, therefore, is not easily attained: chronic failure (long-term homelessness, for example) must equate with laziness: cruel, but truthful. It is to be noted that it is easy to lose your path in life. This is where the love of family and the counsel of good friends allows you to reposition yourself and your thoughts. It could be said that those without some form of suffering, physical or mental, have never truly grown. They have never seen the depths from which to crawl back from. I am always most interested in what makes a man stop and reside in the “underworld” until they leave this mortal plain. It would seem to make no sense, but many, many do it – the drug addict, the alcoholic, those in bad relationships, the broken, and the unwashed -- why?
The reason that those poor souls thrust their emaciated and sickly bodies upon filthy benches at night, and most of them succumbed, is because they lacked the ultimate love: the love of self. There, tragically, is no school or course that one can enroll in because this perception is self-taught. There is truth in the fact that this phenomenon is nurtured by external stimuli, but it is the self that alone can truly embrace it. These individuals, in my estimation, fear success. A wise friend of mine once said: “It is easy to be unhappy but difficult to achieve happiness.” Success in any form, therefore, is not easily attained: chronic failure (long-term homelessness, for example) must equate with laziness: cruel, but truthful. It is to be noted that it is easy to lose your path in life. This is where the love of family and the counsel of good friends allows you to reposition yourself and your thoughts. It could be said that those without some form of suffering, physical or mental, have never truly grown. They have never seen the depths from which to crawl back from. I am always most interested in what makes a man stop and reside in the “underworld” until they leave this mortal plain. It would seem to make no sense, but many, many do it – the drug addict, the alcoholic, those in bad relationships, the broken, and the unwashed -- why?
It can only be because of bad relationships, with the self and with others. Unless one has mental problems, there can be no excuse but sloth for the reason that people fail to discover their meaning in life. The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer sensibly. (Proverbs 26:16)
It can only be because of bad relationships, with the self and with others. Unless one has mental problems, there can be no excuse but sloth for the reason that people fail to discover their meaning in life. The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer sensibly. (Proverbs 26:16)
8. 害怕成功
8. 害怕成功
我最近有機會去拜訪歐洲的一些老朋友，度過了一段美好的時光。然而，距離我上次到歐洲已經是好幾年前的事了，我已經忘記了社會不同階層之間的巨大反差。這種差異特別引人注目，因為歐洲普遍給人富裕的印象。一方面，你可以沿著巴黎香榭大道散步，在周圍很多的小酒館和餐廳裡享用簡餐，並看著穿戴珠寶首飾的人們來回穿梭。另一方面，你可以看到很多睡在地鐵通風口或運輸系統地下隧道中的遊民，他們的睡覺時的奇形怪狀與上述的畫面形成強烈的對比。這讓我思考一個問題，為什麼有人會徹底放棄自己的人生呢？
我最近有機會去拜訪歐洲的一些老朋友，度過了一段美好的時光。然而，距離我上次到歐洲已經是好幾年前的事了，我已經忘記了社會不同階層之間的巨大反差。這種差異特別引人注目，因為歐洲普遍給人富裕的印象。一方面，你可以沿著巴黎香榭大道散步，在周圍很多的小酒館和餐廳裡享用簡餐，並看著穿戴珠寶首飾的人們來回穿梭。另一方面，你可以看到很多睡在地鐵通風口或運輸系統地下隧道中的遊民，他們的睡覺時的奇形怪狀與上述的畫面形成強烈的對比。這讓我思考一個問題，為什麼有人會徹底放棄自己的人生呢？
我相信身為人類一定免不了遭逢失敗和挫折。但本質上，我們都會站起來並且重新開始，就像失去平衡跌倒的孩子一樣。為何有人會淪落到被擊倒就不願意嘗試再站起來呢？怎麼能讓自己變得失魂落魄呢？要討論這問題的癥結得先從西西弗斯1的任務談起：「在希臘神話中，西西弗斯是狡猾的哥林斯王，他受到冥王哈德斯的懲罰，必須反覆地將一顆大石頭推上山，一旦到達山頂時，石頭就再次滾下山來。他的命運在荷馬2的《奧德賽》第十一章裡面有提到。天神宙斯3交付給西西弗斯的任務是永遠的徒勞無功和沒有止境的挫折感，他每天都在重複執行這項工作。」
我相信身為人類一定免不了遭逢失敗和挫折。但本質上，我們都會站起來並且重新開始，就像失去平衡跌倒的孩子一樣。為何有人會淪落到被擊倒就不願意嘗試再站起來呢？怎麼能讓自己變得失魂落魄呢？要討論這問題的癥結得先從西西弗斯1的任務談起：「在希臘神話中，西西弗斯是狡猾的哥林斯王，他受到冥王哈德斯的懲罰，必須反覆地將一顆大石頭推上山，一旦到達山頂時，石頭就再次滾下山來。他的命運在荷馬2的《奧德賽》第十一章裡面有提到。天神宙斯3交付給西西弗斯的任務是永遠的徒勞無功和沒有止境的挫折感，他每天都在重複執行這項工作。」
如果你看不到任何希望，那你注定會失敗。維克多‧法蘭可博士(1905-1997)是第二次世界大戰中集中營的倖存者，他在很多著作中主張我們要相信未來會更好。「他的結論是，人生的每一刻都能發現生命的意義，即便在痛苦和死亡的陰影中，生命從來沒有一刻不具意義。法蘭可博士提出一個想法，對每一位處境艱難的人來說，天上可能會有你的一位朋友、家人，甚至是上帝在看著你，他們期待你不要讓他們失望。這位善良又充滿睿智的博士依據他的經驗做出結論，集中營囚犯的心理反應不完全受限於客觀的生活條件，即使處於劇烈的痛苦中，他們在精神上也有選擇的自由。囚犯沒有崩潰的原因是對未來懷抱著希望，一旦失去了希望，那麼他們就在劫難逃了。
如果你看不到任何希望，那你注定會失敗。維克多‧法蘭可博士(1905-1997)是第二次世界大戰中集中營的倖存者，他在很多著作中主張我們要相信未來會更好。「他的結論是，人生的每一刻都能發現生命的意義，即便在痛苦和死亡的陰影中，生命從來沒有一刻不具意義。法蘭可博士提出一個想法，對每一位處境艱難的人來說，天上可能會有你的一位朋友、家人，甚至是上帝在看著你，他們期待你不要讓他們失望。這位善良又充滿睿智的博士依據他的經驗做出結論，集中營囚犯的心理反應不完全受限於客觀的生活條件，即使處於劇烈的痛苦中，他們在精神上也有選擇的自由。囚犯沒有崩潰的原因是對未來懷抱著希望，一旦失去了希望，那麼他們就在劫難逃了。
『……我們在黑暗中跌跌撞撞地前進，越過巨石、踏過泥坑，沿著營區旁的一條道路行走。隨行的守衛不斷地對著我們咆哮，用來福槍的槍托驅使我們向前。腳很疼痛的人，倚靠旁人的肩膀繼續前進。幾乎沒有人還有力氣說話。襲人的冷風令人不想開口，每個人都將他們的嘴巴藏在翻領的衣服裡。走在我身邊的男人突然低聲說：要是我們的妻子看到我們現在這副模樣就慘了！希望她們在自己的營區受到比較好的待遇，不要知道發生在我們身上的事情。』
『……我們在黑暗中跌跌撞撞地前進，越過巨石、踏過泥坑，沿著營區旁的一條道路行走。隨行的守衛不斷地對著我們咆哮，用來福槍的槍托驅使我們向前。腳很疼痛的人，倚靠旁人的肩膀繼續前進。幾乎沒有人還有力氣說話。襲人的冷風令人不想開口，每個人都將他們的嘴巴藏在翻領的衣服裡。走在我身邊的男人突然低聲說：要是我們的妻子看到我們現在這副模樣就慘了！希望她們在自己的營區受到比較好的待遇，不要知道發生在我們身上的事情。』
『……有個念頭讓我愣住了。這是我人生中第一次看到事實的真相，很多詩人把它寫進詩裡，很多思想家稱它為終極的智慧，而這個真相是：愛是人類追求最終極、最崇高的目標。我充分了解人類詩歌、思想及信仰所傳達最大的秘密：人類的救贖必須透過愛，救贖就存在自愛之中。』」4加拿大北部的愛斯基摩人有句諺語引人深思：「也許天上的那些亮點不是星星，而是天堂的開口，透過這些開口，我們死去的親人將愛傾倒下來並照耀著我們，讓我們知道他們是快樂的。」
『……有個念頭讓我愣住了。這是我人生中第一次看到事實的真相，很多詩人把它寫進詩裡，很多思想家稱它為終極的智慧，而這個真相是：愛是人類追求最終極、最崇高的目標。我充分了解人類詩歌、思想及信仰所傳達最大的秘密：人類的救贖必須透過愛，救贖就存在自愛之中。』」4加拿大北部的愛斯基摩人有句諺語引人深思：「也許天上的那些亮點不是星星，而是天堂的開口，透過這些開口，我們死去的親人將愛傾倒下來並照耀著我們，讓我們知道他們是快樂的。」
為何那些憔悴，病懨懨的可憐人晚上要睡在骯髒的長凳？為何他們大多數人放棄了自己，原因就出在他們缺乏終極的愛，也就是對自我的尊重？悲哀的是，沒有一所學校或一門課程可以教你這件事，因為自重是靠自學而來的。事實上，它是在接受外在刺激時培養出來的，只有自己才能真正擁抱與肯定自我的意識。依據我的推估，這些可憐的人心裡害怕成功。我有一位很有智慧的朋友曾經說過：「要過得不快樂很簡單，要獲得快樂卻很難。」因此，任何形式的成功都得來不易。長期的失敗其實就等同於懶惰，長時間當無業游民就是一個例子。這聽來殘忍，但卻是事實。值得注意的是，我們很容易迷失我們人生的道路。這時來自家人的愛和好朋友的忠告，能讓你為自己的方向與想法重新定位。我們可以這麼說，沒有經歷過身體或心理折磨的人，他們不可能真正的成長，也不會有掙扎爬出痛苦深淵的體會。我很好奇為何有人要停滯不前，寧願在人間地獄裡停留，直到死亡的到來為止，這似乎一點道理都沒有，但卻有許多人這麼做，例如吸毒、酗酒、人際關係不良、失魂落魄，以及邋遢的人們等等。這到底是為什麼呢？
為何那些憔悴，病懨懨的可憐人晚上要睡在骯髒的長凳？為何他們大多數人放棄了自己，原因就出在他們缺乏終極的愛，也就是對自我的尊重？悲哀的是，沒有一所學校或一門課程可以教你這件事，因為自重是靠自學而來的。事實上，它是在接受外在刺激時培養出來的，只有自己才能真正擁抱與肯定自我的意識。依據我的推估，這些可憐的人心裡害怕成功。我有一位很有智慧的朋友曾經說過：「要過得不快樂很簡單，要獲得快樂卻很難。」因此，任何形式的成功都得來不易。長期的失敗其實就等同於懶惰，長時間當無業游民就是一個例子。這聽來殘忍，但卻是事實。值得注意的是，我們很容易迷失我們人生的道路。這時來自家人的愛和好朋友的忠告，能讓你為自己的方向與想法重新定位。我們可以這麼說，沒有經歷過身體或心理折磨的人，他們不可能真正的成長，也不會有掙扎爬出痛苦深淵的體會。我很好奇為何有人要停滯不前，寧願在人間地獄裡停留，直到死亡的到來為止，這似乎一點道理都沒有，但卻有許多人這麼做，例如吸毒、酗酒、人際關係不良、失魂落魄，以及邋遢的人們等等。這到底是為什麼呢？
這個問題唯一的原因是與自我和他人之間的關係不良。若不是有心理疾病，人們無法發現自己生命的意義，除了懶惰以外沒有任何其他的藉口，如聖經所說，懶惰之人看待自己，比七個善於應對的人更有智慧。(聖經箴言，26:16)
這個問題唯一的原因是與自我和他人之間的關係不良。若不是有心理疾病，人們無法發現自己生命的意義，除了懶惰以外沒有任何其他的藉口，如聖經所說，懶惰之人看待自己，比七個善於應對的人更有智慧。(聖經箴言，26:16)
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